Confidence

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Don’t Conform to Impossible Beauty Standards

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An article was written denouncing the Barbie doll and her measurements as being anatomically impossible. For decades, the iconic toy was one of the biggest influences on young girls for feminine role play and set the standard for aspiring young woman. Barbie represented a tiny slice of the population: blonde-haired, blue-eyed, and tiny.

Between her very specific features and her very wide audience, her beauty standard was an impossible act to follow. For most children, she was a reference point, not a roadmap. She was one of the many beauty standards that have made an impact on our definition of pretty.

The modeling industry, as well as marketing firms, have spent billions of dollars trying to frame what beauty looks and feels like. Most images aren’t just attempting to sell you a ‘look’- they are trying to sell you a way of feeling, too. Both the look and the feeling are usually artificial and an impossible standard. The goal in selling you is to make you believe the only way to feel the happiness you see in the images is to look like, own, and engage in the activities you see.

The thing about beauty standards is they change. A look at decades past easily illustrates that nothing stays in favor forever. What’s in one moment is out and considered old school or vintage before long. Plus, everything comes back around again as the new (old) standard. It’s important not to fall into the trap of believing there is a standard of beauty at all.

Who you are and the physical attributes you have are perfect right now – in every season and every trend. You may not feel that every element of what you look like is on-trend now, and you’re right. Maybe freckles are in, maybe they are out. Maybe being curvy is in, maybe it is out. That’s why it is important to be confident in the skin you are in and celebrate your unique attributes, regardless of the trends.

If a beauty standard seems impossible to achieve, it is vital that you recognize it and not allow any expectation to exist. Here are some hidden ways beauty standards are exaggerated and virtually impossible to achieve:

Incredibly thick hair – Many of the thick-haired beauties you see are enhanced by hairpieces and hair extensions. These pieces come in a wide range of quality and price points. Anyone can have thicker hair thanks to this innovation, but celebrities and performers tend to be the biggest users of these products.
Perfect breasts- Whether photoshopped or surgically enhanced, many of the women you admire with small waistlines, narrow hips, and large perfect breasts have been enhanced by man or computer.

Straight, white teeth – Cosmetic dentistry is on the rise. Even braces are becoming obsolete as men and women are opting for caps and laboratory created implants. Teeth whitening is a booming industry, too. From Crest White Strips to cosmetic teeth whitening, those pearly whites you admire may not be natural.

Weight – This one is the oldest standard in the book. Though what is considered attractive has morphed through the years, chances are the standard you admire comes at a high price. From eating disorders to abuse, being thin has disadvantages that do out-weigh the hype of being considered the weight standard.

Wrinkle-free – Chemical peels, Botox, and facelifts account for much of the anti-aging phenoms we see. From celebrities who never seem to age to the men and women who seem to get younger every year, being wrinkle free is a standard that most people cannot achieve. While you can take better care of your skin and reduce the signs of aging, wrinkles are going to happen to all of us.

Don’t spend an ounce of time trying to conform to beauty standards that aren’t based in reality. If you want to emulate a look- go for it! Just don’t beat yourself up over your comparison to that standard until you know if the standard is real. Even then, focus on your own standard and do what makes you feel beautiful and confident.

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Self-Image Exercise – Find the Flaws In Others

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Chances are you are more critical of yourself than you are of others. This exercise is designed to see that other people have flaws too, and you don’t like them or admire them any less. Look at your best friend, parent – someone you like – and look for flaws. Do they make you think any less of the person? No… and the same holds true for you.

Start the exercise with a pen and paper and a nice place for reflection. Jot down the things about yourself that you don’t admire. Make a list of the attributes, behaviors, and flaws that you feel you have. Make a notation next to the item on your list about what that flaw means to you:

  • How do you perceive that this robs your confidence?
  • What is holding you back from embracing or changing the flaw?
  • How does the flaw make you feel?
  • Is this flaw a big concern in the great scheme of things?
  • Is this a flaw you are ready to change?

What did you write? Is the list big or small?

Now, let’s shift focus to the people in your life. Chances are, it won’t take much to think of someone you know who has the same flaw. Next to your list, jot down the names of people you know who have the same flaw.

As you thnk about these people who have the very same flaw as you, what is the difference between your thoughts about them and your thoughts about yourself? Is there a difference?

Chances are, you have more compassion – or lack of judgement – for them than you do for yourself. Am I right?

Now that you’ve exposed your mis-wired thinking, it’s time to see yourself through the same filter you view those you admire. Start to see the flaws that you have in common with someone else as a way to be kinder and more accepting. Confidence is many things, least of which is self-acceptance and love. If you can see the beauty and value in someone else, despite their flaws, then being confident means seeing the beauty and value you have as well.

Go over your list again and try to reframe your comments. Rephrase your judgments into graceful statements that allow you to coexist with your flaws, or make a plan to change them if the time has come.

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This Is Tough – Try Not to Judge Yourself Too Harshly!

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How kind are you to yourself? Are you competitive and hold high standards – which is a great thing. Or, are you self-deprecating and judgmental – which isn’t a great thing.

Judging yourself too harshly can take the power out of self-reflection. Self-reflection is a positive way to explore your standards and your status and make sure they line up. Judging turns constructive criticism into self-abuse.

How can you be sure you are being constructive with your self-critique? Let’s compare these concepts and see where you lie.

 

Constructive Criticism:

Admits flaws while loving the self– Being able to admit flaws allows for growth and change. Realizing you are not where you want to be and refusing to judge yourself for it makes way for change. Whatever needs to be done to make change is a reality; how you think about it is an emotion. They are not the same. Example: losing weight. Fact: This entails reducing calories and exercising. Lie: You are a bad person who has no self-control, and that’s why you’re overweight.

Is humble– It takes courage to admit you need to make change. Our egos get in the way and negative self-talk can keep pride in the forefront. Constructive criticism allows for honesty in a safe headspace and doesn’t cast blame or shame.

Wants you to succeed– Constructive criticism is designed for change. The goal is to help you see what’s not working and find a solution. The hope of constructive criticism is your success.

 

Judgement:

Is based on shame– Judgement is a painful way of expressing flaws. It causes shame to swallow you and prevents the peace that comes from lovingly accepting what could be better. Shame judges the character of the person, not the action.

Is cruel and fatalistic– Judgement is filled with what could have been instead of what can be. Judgement tells you it’s too late or too hard. Judgement won’t allow forgiveness and repentance. Judgement keeps a tally and demands justice, even when grace is all that is needed.

Thinks you’ve already failed– Judgement sees your current state as the end. That there is no getting back on track and attempting is feeble and won’t be redemptive.

Your confidence is tied to your emotional health and maturity. How you speak to yourself in your head matters. It is a direct reflection of the confidence you have. If you lean more toward the constructive criticism scale, then hurray for you! If you find yourself leaning toward judgement, stop judging and get yourself some help. You can change how you think and improve your inner dialogue.

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Become Aware Of The Influence Media Has On Your Body Image

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Maybe it isn’t new information that the media is highly manipulative and uses imagery and other influences to mould your idea of what is beautiful. Though not new information, it is worth repeating. The media is influencing you – all the time.

The media uses an arsenal of tactics to attract and influence your perceptions. Take a look at a few here:

  • Focus Groups
  • Split Testing
  • Psychology
  • Social Media Influencers
  • Celebrities
  • And so much more

The media has an agenda: To sell more product and create either a vision of exclusiveness or bandwagoning about a trend. They want you to feel like the image you see is the epitome of excellence, beauty, success, or wealth. That all you need for life’s goals is the image they have created.

What does that do to your body image?

If you are one of the small percentage of people who meet the demographic depicted, it probably validates you. Outside of that small percentage, you likely feel inadequate, unqualified, left out, or some other negative way. It’s difficult to see an ideal when you don’t resemble what is being shown.

Here are some things to consider when you feel influenced by the media:

Things always change – Remember banana clips and stirrup pants? If you do, then you realize that they are not necessarily in style. Sorry if that is news to you. You may also remember the 1980’s when rounder, fuller-figures were the norm. Things always change. What is in style today – whatever is considered the perfect body type, hairstyle, skin color – is going to change. This is how industries keep people spending money. If we settled on one-and-done style, then there would be no reason to buy anything new. This is the focus of media and their push towards a new ideal.

The global community is varied – No matter what is deemed ideal in one area of the world, there is another area where something else – in stark contradiction – is preferred. If what you see in the media is making you feel bad about yourself, think globally and realize who you are and what you’ve got is absolutely perfect.

You’re not always their target audience – Media is targeting an audience. They do this because having an avatar is always the top priority in marketing. It’s possible that you aren’t their target and therefore won’t feel compelled to buy from them or be influenced by them. Don’t feel poorly about yourself if you aren’t the magnet to their steel.

Even they don’t believe what they are presenting – What you see the media promoting is the culmination of many things including digital enhancement and other sleight of hand tricks. If you were sitting in planning meetings with companies, you’d see that the people making the decisions are not always flawless. They are everyday people just like you and me. They likely don’t believe what they are presenting as the only way to be, look, or experience their product, but they must take a position and sell it through their marketing.

In the end, none of it matters – In the end, none of this matters. How you look is irrelevant to the blind. What brand of face cream you use won’t make you a better mom. Holding a cup with a green straw and mermaid won’t make your life magical. In the end, all that matters is being true to yourself and those you love most.

The media has an agenda and it isn’t connected to yours, 100% of the time. When the imagery, message, and product are right for you, there will be a connection. Outside of this, keep your head and your heart guarded and know that there are a million ways to show up in this world and the media is only focused on one at a time.